Domestic Violence: The Victim's Story...

Later that day, Veronica goes to pay a bill that Dan created. She had to rush to make the payment before the late fee. She reflected on the fact all of her cards were maxed and Dan was holding all of them in his wallet.  He said it would do her good to have someone looking after her finances.  She spends to much anyway. After making the payment she decides to drive by her friends house. It is on the way and she thought to herself she needed the break. She stops at Jessica's house. (Jessica is the one that overheard her husband’s ranting weeks before) Veronica explains to Jessica that she was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Dan has become to much to handle. She says that she has become a nervous wreck behind the intensity of his complaining and doesn’t know what to do. She said that she was sorry about not talking to her sooner but Dan would get in such a bad mood when she was on the phone. She found herself shaking when he was coming home and hadn’t felt like herself for a while. 

​Jessica told her that no one should feel the way that she was feeling in a relationship and that it was not healthy. She recommended that maybe she should talk to a counselor. Jessica told her that she could count on her and if she needed to anyone to talk with that she could call on her anytime. She asked her if she wanted to stay with her for a while. Veronica said thank you but she did not want to bring her trouble to her friends house. Jessica made her promise that she wouldn't leave her in the dark about what was going on. She asked about good times to come by the house. She said that she needed to get out of the house more and insisted that she come to women's bible study. Jessica gave Veronica her daughter's phone she was going to give to her for her birthday. She said to keep it in a safe place and to call in case of an emergency.

Discussion

Can you identify the helpful strategies Jessica used to support Veronica?

(Choose Veronica's next step)

Veronica Decides to Talk to a Counselor

Veronica Decides Talk to Her Husband

What are some strategies to support a person going through domestic violence?
​
* Use Empathy: Scolding a victim of domestic violence because you feel she is not making good decisions is counter
​   productive to giving them the confidence to come out of that situation.

​* Offer Your Support to Help. While a victim may not accept the support it is important for them to know that help
​    is available if they need it.

​* Have Cash Available to Assist.  Cash can be very limited because of the financial control of the abuser. Sharing
​   cash on hand could help her to have an emergency exit plan.

​* Establishing a Routine. Establish a routine of contact helps to prevent the abuser from isolating and asserting
​   dominance over the victim because of isolation.

​* Give a Secret Phone. Having a secret phone or secret code word for emergency situations can help a victim have
​  access to emergency help when a victims other phones are being controlled.

​* Establish a Secret Code Word: Having a secret code word, gesture or phrase can help a victim communicate their distress without calling the attention of the abuser.

​* Connect her to resources that can help. Suggesting seeking the assistance of a counselor, domestic abuse
   support services can help a victim connect with resources that would be able to help them.  Walking with a victim through
​   that first call may be necessary to give them the support they need to seek help.